


the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders

by gracezodiac



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Han and Leia are Friends, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Chewbacca, Post-Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-08-13 18:45:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7982194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracezodiac/pseuds/gracezodiac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke was missing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders

**Author's Note:**

> hey i'm back!!!
> 
> i know it's been like 12 years since i wrote a skysolo and i am deeply sorry 
> 
> anyway this fic is about luke being depressed and how he deals with it. there's no explicit details but if talks of depression are upsetting/triggering to you in anyway, don't read on, take care of yourselves <33
> 
> i've had this fic planned out for months, literally i started writing this on a bit of till paper when i was still working at the start of the year
> 
> but anyway, without further ado, here we go!!
> 
> please leave comments if you can i love to hear from you all!!
> 
> (there will be more depressed luke headcanons in the endnotes!)

Luke was missing.

 

Han had landed back on Coruscant the night before, returning from a visit to Kashyyyk. It was a beautiful place, and Han had enjoyed seeing Chewie's clan again, but he'd missed Luke terribly and was relieved to get back. When he'd gotten back to their shared apartment, he had been a little disappointed to find it empty. It wasn't a surprise particularly – Luke was often out until late helping out one person or another, or if he was meditating, he'd be out of it for hours at a time, until Han came to shake him back into reality. But being as tired as he was, Han simply sent him a message on his comm to say he'd arrived back, before stripping down and getting into their bed, to fall asleep only minutes later.

 

The next morning had brought no sign of Luke, as Han woke up alone. Immediately he reached over to grab his comm, but found that the only messaged he'd received was from Madine asking him to a meeting, and nothing from the young Jedi. He was started to feel a little concerned, but pushed his worry to one side; if Luke had been helping someone for whatever reason, it wouldn't be unusual for him to spend all of his time focusing on the issue at hand instead of going back home to sleep. Han simply resigned to look for him later, since he couldn't be too far away.

 

*****

 

Meetings with Madine were never exciting, but Han wondered why he'd been asked to sit through the whole thing, since they'd only called for his opinion on one of the issues raised, which they had clearly hadn't listen to anyway. Han sighed quietly, whilst everyone else bickered around him. The time wasted here could have been spent looking for Luke and making sure he hadn't been neglecting himself again, which by the looks of things, he almost certainly had. At least if Leia had been in this meeting he'd have been able to ask her, but evidently she was busy elsewhere.

 

Whilst everyone else was wrapped up in their own business, Han tentatively tried to push at his connection with Luke. He didn't like to call it a force link, even if that's what Luke said it was, not wanting to believe he could have anything to do with those magic tricks. It was unnerving stuff, and he saw how powerful it was, and what a burden it was to bear. Luke looked so damn haunted at times, and he'd started to see the same look in Leia's eyes too. He didn't want any part of that, thank you very much, other than to be there for his friends.

 

He was ridiculous, trying to reach out through some invisible thread, but as odd as it felt, Han could feel Luke's presence nearby. Which crossed out the theory that he'd left planet (Luke would have left him a message if he had, but Han hadn't wanted to rule it out until he could be sure). It was mildly comforting to know Luke was close, but Han was still desperate to find him; he really had missed him during his trip, and there'd been radio silence since Han had been staying in the tree fortresses, rather than his bunk in the Falcon, where he would have been able to send messages.

 

The meeting adjourned not long after, with Han realising he'd no idea what had been discussed after his initial comments. If Luke had been there he would have smiled softly at him and shaken his head in fond disapproval. But Luke wasn't there, and Han hadn't a clue where to look for him.

 

He stopped by their apartment again to grab some lunch, and to see if Luke had come back, although he was sorely disappointed. The bedsheets had been made, which Han certainly hadn't done before he'd left that morning, which at least confirmed Luke was around somewhere, but it didn't give him any more clues as to where he currently was, or why he hadn't made contact yet. The niggling worry from earlier was starting to crawl back, and Han tried to push it away as much as possible. If there was something terribly wrong he'd feel it in his gut, and there'd been no danger signs so far. It was just confusing more than anything and Han was yearning to hold Luke in his arms and tell him how much he'd missed him, or something sappy like that. The kid had turned him soft and romantic in the time they'd known each other. It was embarrassing, ad Luke liked to point it out and tease him, knowing it would make the Corellian blush. Such teasing always ended with Han retaliating by holding Luke in his arms and pressing kisses all over his face and neck until he was laughing and claimed surrender.

 

The thought of it made something ache fiercely in Han's chest, and he knew he needed to find Luke sooner rather than later. Once he'd grabbed some lunch he headed over to Leia's apartment, hoping to find some answers there.

 

*****

 

By some stroke of luck, he bumped into her on his way to her apartment. She was surrounded by her advisers and droids, and but upon seeing him, she sent them away with a friendly dismissal.

 

“Han,” she greeted warmly, “I heard you were back. How was your trip?”

 

“Oh, y'know,” he smiled, “pleasant enough. Chewie's staying there for a while, I'm picking him up again in a few weeks.”

 

She chuckled and Han, for a moment, felt so thankful that the war was over and she was able to laugh and smile without worrying about everything.

 

“I'm sure his family have missed him. And speaking of which, where's my brother?”

 

Han raised an eyebrow at her, folding his arms over his chest. “Funny thing, I was coming here to ask you the same question, I haven't seen him since I got back.”

 

Leia let out a quiet 'oh', frowning in confusion. Han could feel the worry and panic from earlier begin to flare up again. He didn't want to start jumping to conclusions, but if Leia didn't know where he was, then it wasn't leading to anything good.

 

“I thought he would have...” she shook her head, sighing in exasperation, “Our connection went quiet two days ago.”

 

“What does that mean?” He asked, the mention of more force nonsense making him feel nervous.

 

“It's something he does,” she replied, “when he's having his bad days. It stops what he's feeling from reaching me, I believe. I try to- well, never mind that,” she cut herself off, and Han didn't press further, realising whatever she was talking about was private, and none of his business. He understood what she was saying however, and felt foolish for not realising it sooner. Honestly it hadn't crossed his mind since Luke had been doing so well recently. There were some days, where Luke's smile didn't quite reach his eyes, and he'd excuse himself to be alone for a while. On the worst days, he wouldn't speak to anyone, he'd simply lay on their couch and wrap his arms around himself for hours and hours, not moving. Han would bring him food and try get him to eat, and then he'd sit with him, talking about anything and everything as a distraction. Luke had mentioned once that the sound of his voice was soothing. Han had wanted to protest somehow, but wisely kept his mouth shut. If it helped Luke, then Han wasn't going to question it.

 

“It's alright, I think I know where he is. Nice to see you again princess, but if you don't mind, I have to...”

 

He gestured behind him and Leia nodded, waving him away in understanding.

 

“Go look after him.”

 

She didn't need to tell him twice. He'd sworn do that a long time ago, and he'd swear it again when he finally made an honest man out of him. Flashing her a smile, he turned away and began to walk quickly, renewed hope blooming within him. There was only one place Luke went if things were really bad, and he knew exactly where that was.

 

*****

 

The boarding ramp to the Falcon was already lowered when Han arrived, not that he was surprised. He made his way onto his ship and towards the crew quarters, pausing outside the door. If Luke wasn't in here then Han was really at a loss, and for a brief moment he asked the galaxy to take pity on him today.

 

Evidently the stars were listening, as Han stepped into the room and found Luke curled up on his bunk, facing the wall. Han felt like cheering, or rushing over and gathering him up in his arms in relief, but that wasn't the most appropriate thing for him to do right now, given Luke's mental well-being. Instead, he sat down on the bunk and murmured a quiet 'hey', seeing Luke move in response.

 

“Can I touch you?” He asked quietly, relieved when Luke nodded slowly. He laid out next to him, putting an arm around Luke's waist and pulling him so his back was pressed up against his chest. Luke seemed to curl up even smaller than before, and Han did as best as he could to try cover him, like some sort of protective shell. He buried his face in Luke's neck and breathed deeply, the beating of his heart beginning to slow down.

 

_I'm sorry_ , he heard in his mind a few moments later. He pressed a kiss to the shell of Luke's ear in response, holding him tighter.

 

“Don't worry about it kid,” he whispered, “just glad you see you again.”

 

It wouldn't be enough to convince him, Han knew, but he also knew the best thing to do was to help distract him until he started to come back to himself. So he started to hum gently, distant Corellian lullabies he remembered his mother singing to him before she disappeared. Han didn't have many memories of his mother, but the lullabies were one of them, and whenever he sang them to Luke, they always seemed to calm him down.

 

_I love you._

 

Han nuzzled against the skin of his neck and reached out to link Luke's fingers with his own. “Love you too.” He murmured, voice thick with affection.

 

_You shouldn't have to deal with me like this, I'm sorry-_ , he tried to argue, but Han cut him off before he could go any further.

 

“Luke...” He said, turning him around in his arms so he could look at him properly. “Luke... It's okay. Yeah? It's okay. M'not going anywhere.”

 

Luke stared up at him, guilt and shame still lingering in his expression. Han refused to have him feel that way about this, and when he leant forward to gently nuzzle their noses together, he was relieved to see the ghost of a smile pull at the corners of Luke's mouth. He never thought he'd be someone who was overly affectionate in a relationship, but at this point he'd declare his love across the whole galaxy if it would make Luke smile.

 

The latter leant forward to kiss him properly, one hand gripping onto Han's shirt. When he pulled back, Han watched his eyelashes flutter as he opened his eyes and blinked a few times.

 

“Thank you.” Luke said softly, the first time he'd spoken out loud since Han had found him. If he was able to speak then things were starting to look up, Han pondered with hope.

 

“No problem.” He replied, kissing his forehead. He knew they'd lay there for a little while longer, he would talk about his trip, and then he'd convince Luke to come back to the apartment where Han would cook something up for them, and they'd get a peaceful night. It was a routine he was getting more accustomed to, and as much as he worried about Luke, he was starting to feel more secure in what he could do to help.

 

He may not have had the force, but he was deeply, _deeply_ in love with this kid, and he was determined to hold him up when there was no ground for him to stand on.

 

And so he began recounting his recent time on Kashyyyk, watching how Luke smiled at his stories. And as he spoke and looked into his lover's eyes, all he could think of was one thing.

 

_Home_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> they're gonna be okay these two, it'll be okay
> 
> as always you can find me on tumblr at [skywalkeraesthetics](http://www.skywalkeraesthetics.tumblr.com)
> 
> okay so more headcanons!
> 
> -luke has always been depressed, but over the course of the war, finding out his heritage, things got worse (understandably)
> 
> -when things get really bad he goes non-veral (as shown in the fic) and when he starts feeling human again he'll speak through the force first before he uses his actual voice
> 
> -he often goes and finds chewie, who will give him one of his big hugs until luke can breathe a bit more
> 
> -luke doesn't bring up his depression with anyone, and no one really talks about it with him, but it's acknowledged and dealt with, they just don't really put a name to it
> 
> -leia knows when luke's having a bad day because he makes their force link quiet, so he doesn't accidentally project his sorrow to her. she realises this, and she'll send back soothing thoughts to him. they never bring it up with each other, but she knows he's thankful for it


End file.
